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My relationship with telephones has always been intense and even somewhat parasexual; they were, when I was a stir-crazy teeny-bopper in the English provincial 1970s, a symbol of freedom. Once, during a particularly dull period in my first marriage, I called a primitive sex chat line to see what it was like and was so excited by the transgressive nature of what I was doing that I actually came before anything dirty was said — literally during the phone listing. Why, then, am I the only person I know — apart from my husband — who does not possess and never has possessed a mobile phone?
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